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Writer's picturenflanagan210

ginger (2008-2022)


Scanning the room

feeling the tears arise

i watch another woman sob



i think to myself

will that be me?


i stare down at the tiled floor

i notice the pattern, counting as many as I can from my vantage point

i notice the muted colors of this big room

and the fake plants and the fake smiles



i notice everything but the truth.

I’m too scared to feel the weight of it.

She probably won’t make it.

I look at my mother but she’s turned away from me, hiding the tears which escaped her eyes

she tried to call my dad, but no answer

it is 1 am after all





I think about my life.

How she has been there since basically the beginning of it.

How I’ve cried, holding her in my arms, through the many ups and downs of adolescence

And now I’m here, holding her in my arms as she can barely take a breath

It tears me up inside

Life effortlessly slams my head against a wall again

And I don’t think I can do more loss

Handle more absence

And I know I will miss her



More than I want to deal with

And the tears stream down

So I quickly wipe them away

Not today, please not today.

And my moms on the phone now

And it doesn’t look good

And I’m panicking inside

And i don’t wanna do it anymore

Loving people, dogs, places

Just to watch them fade away

It’s not okay

No it’s not okay




Another girl walks in

Panic in her voice

I focus on that instead

She said she thinks her dog is having a seizure

She said her name is Nicole.

Her dog is named Willow.

She said, “be careful with her leg, she just had ACL surgery”

Willow I’m just like you.




It’s beautiful when I really think about it.

How much we love pets, more than humans sometimes.

It’s beautifully tragic, knowing they will only survive a sliver of our lives.

Yea, beautifully tragic.

Willow started seizing.

And I can’t help but feel the weight of this fucking depressing place.

Where is my mom?

Who’s on the phone?

What’s going on?

I don’t know.


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